White Lies

When somebody lies you doesn’t always mean he wants to hurt you though you feel it (hurt) true. Maybe he just wants to make you happy, favor your flavor, and keep you away from hurt. Maybe he’d tried hard, but still got no fine way tell you. He lies not because he wants to hurt you, but he does care about you instead. That’s what people call white lie. And it sometimes happens in family.

taken from: http://www.daemonsmovies.com/2009/10/19/everybodys-fine-movie-poster/

This topic came across my mind after watching Everybody’s Fine (2009). Yeah, we can’t deny that white lies sometimes exist in family. Before talking further about why people tell white lies, what a white lie anyway? 

What’s a White Lie?

White lie is:

• An often trivial, diplomatic or well-intentioned untruth. (The American Heritage^® Dictionary of the English Language, 4^th Ed copyright^© 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009)
• A minor or unimportant lie, especially one uttered in the interests of tact or politeness. (Collins English Dictionary-Complete and Unbridged^© HarperCollins Publishers 2003)
• An unimportant lie (especially one told to be tactful or polite. (WordNet 3.0, farlex clipart collection.^© 2003–2008 Princeton University, Farlex Inc.)

What’s Common White Lies People Tell?

Here’s list of 15 most common white lies and why we tell them:

1. It wasn’t me! –Because some things just aren’t worth taking credit for.
2. The table will be ready in 5 minutes. –Because it sounds a lot better than 15 minutes.
3. Oh, yeah.  That makes sense. –Because option B involves admitting that I am clueless.
4. Thank you so much!  I just love it! –Because telling someone that their gift sucked would make me look like an insensitive jerk.
5. Yeah, you look great in that dress. –Because it’s better than being slapped.
6. Oh, things would have been different if I was there! –Because I’m Superman and I can always make a difference… or at least that’s how I want others to perceive of me.
7. No, officer… I have no idea how fast I was going. –Because claiming ignorance is sometimes better than admitting to insubordination.
8. I’m 29. –Because 29 is like 20 years younger than 30.
9. Yeah, I’ll start working on that ASAP! –Because telling you I have 10 things to do first would just irritate you.
10. Yes, John was with me last night. –Because that’s what friends do… we agree and ask questions later.
11. My resume is 5 pages long for a good reason. –Because I’m darn good at bullshittin’!
12. Man, that sucker was 10 feet long! –Because anything less would be boring.
13. Yeah, I was a badass on my high school football team! –Because I want to be seen by others in an even stronger light than I see myself.
14. I’m 21, 6’5, with a muscular build. –Because you can’t see me in this online chat room… ha ha!
15. I thought I already sent that email out.  I’m sure I did. –Because telling you that it was a low priority and I forgot would probably hurt our relationship.

(as adopted from “The 15 Most Common White Lies and Why” written by Marc on 4 October 2007 in Marc and Angel Hack Life: Practical Tips for Productive Living, available on http://www.marcandangel.com/)

Why Do People Tell White Lies?

Some people tell white lies in order to save relationships, some to ease a hectic situation, and others buy us time.  The list could go on forever. Even some people think  the world is probably a better place because of our white lies.

White Lies in a Family

As in the family of the movie (Everybody’s Fine), a man asked his wife about their children. The woman answered, “Everybody’s fine. They’re happy for their current life,” while she’s recalling her memory to that day when their youngest son became a drug addicted because of his frustration of his father’s obsession on his life. The woman didn’t mean to hurt her husband, she did not want him disappointed of their son coz it would hurt him. That’s why she tell him lies. She just wanted him happy.

In reality, we can find the many common white lies just like “I’m fine”. The unpretentious mothers who are playing role as single parents tend to save money for their children’s education and health than their own needs –even their daily needs. They don’t buy new clothes and jewelries like other women do. Sometimes they fast along day because no money to buy food (for their own need), but they always have money to fulfill their children’s needs. Those kind of mothers don’t tell their sacrifice to children. And when children ask how they are, they just answer, “I’m fine here. What about you? Is there anything you need there?” They do it because they want their children happy and have a better life though it means they have to live in ships.

Another version of white lies comes from children. A child who are often mocked by friends at school because of his worn-out uniform tells his father that he has many good friends at school and no one bullies him. He doesn’t tell the truth because he doesn’t want his parents worry about him. He doesn’t want parents more burdened because of him.

Those are only 3 examples. Maybe you can add your own version.

Is It Right to Tell White Lies?

No matter what’s the reason, a lie is lie. No matter how bad the truth, it’d better to tell than lying. Especially for white lies in family, if we think deeper, wider, and wiser, family is the ones who always take us with no matter. Family should walk together side by side through goods and bads. Sweets and bitters may please and hurt, but never lessen a bond of family. Those tighten it instead.

And I remember when my mom said, “Maybe a child can lie anyone, but not his mom” and “you can hide things from others, but no need to hide them from family because family is the ones whom you can always trust.”

I know it’s not easy to be that open to others (especially family) in difficult situation. But I’m on my way to a life I should (and wanna) live. How about you?