I Can See A Rainbow

No matter how perfect a plan designed, no one can guarantee it would be totally realized. If everything’s running well, it's a luck, then be thankful. But if your steps are hampered, that’s a bad luck. Is that right? Then who’s to blame?

A Nice Starting Point

Everything’s already set up. Though I couldn’t deny the fear of failure inside, but ignored it then. I knew that success and failure were always on the same box of possibility. When I made the first step, I saw that it’s not as frightening as I’ve thought before. I was ready for the next step.

I thought I was so lucky for my accelerated running speed (compared to other friends). It did not take so long for me to start it. Being full of confidence, I told myself that I could get through it all well. That's not an arrogance or over confidence, but an optimism I should keep in mind. However, a nice starting point boosted extra energy for heading up the next steps.

  

They Said “It Would be Hard”

It’s turn for the second step. Time to get involved in new things I’d never experienced before. Entering a new gate never be easy for me –I needed time to adapt– though I knew it wouldn’t kill me. Some people argued about what kind of new place I was entering. Some said those people indifferent, while others thought them picky and negative (but I didn’t believe something I didn’t see nor feel). I kept going on.

I Got Stuck, But It's Okay

I thought it's not as easy as before. There were certain people seemed less cooperative. I couldn’t blame because in that case they had no obligation to behave that way (no one would pay even if they were cooperative). Besides, they had own to-dos. Then I sought for a chance to get a hand without making them feel burdened. I got the golden way, though I had to wait for a while and practice how to use thermostat of heart properly. So far, it's okay.

Stuck Again, I was Frozen

It had been weeks frozen at this point (out of fuel and no gas stations around here). It did not favor my expectation. I saw others running over me. I was left. But the worst was being caught in this darkness: frustrating situation, feeling sick, jealousy of other people, and fear of failure.

I realized that my attitude began to change. Began to withdraw and walk away from uncomfortable conversation (their question about my progress sounded like a mockery which dropping my self-esteem). I tried to build up my defense, my comfort zone. I knew, it's not a right decision, but my priority at that time was getting comfort.

I Could See the Rainbow

The more I stayed with nothing to do, the more I was drowned in that frustrating situation. Nothing good happened. Feeling sick and tired, I began to open my eyes and admit that I did wrong. Not only that, I asked myself about my progress (I learned how to admit own lacks and potentials, then accept it). Finally, I felt so relief. Self acceptance was all I needed, instead of withdrawal, to quit from that frustrating situation.

There were many lessons I got from that frustrating situation. Lesson #1, I learned that world may not favor my flavor, but it’s not a reason for being depressed and frustrated. Problems come to stimulate my brain to solve it. They come not to weaken me. They may fall me down, but I have to pick something positive in every falling. Have faith. Believe that in every difficulty there is relief, as mentioned in Qur’an chapter Asy-Syarh: 5 – 6. Though this can be not easy to do, but try first. When you do it, you’ll see that it’s not that bad.

Lesson #2, I learned that complaining, sighing, and moaning never lead me to better situation even solution. If I say to myself “I’m sick of this thing”, then I’ll be sick. But if I say to myself “I can head it up”, then I’ll be full of charge to head it up. It’s like a magic spell which anything you say will come true.

Lesson #3, I learned that I have to be honest to myself (admit own lacks and potentials, own rights and wrongs), instead of withdraw. If I can accept my real condition (not what I think I should have), I’ll feel relief and easier to walk on.

Lesson #4, I learned that success and failure are always in the same possibility box. I can’t take only one of them. But, focusing on the worst possibility is extremely stressful. We’d better think about both possibilities, make plan for each consequences, but stay focus of the positive possibility (“you may win it”). Never let fear of failure holds you from success (positive) possibility.

Lesson #5, I learned that a perfect plan does not guarantee a perfect realization. Human proposed, God disposed. Ask God for helps and guidance.

Well, being stuck may make me cry at first (cause I can’t deny that I’m keeping a little girl in me). But it doesn’t mean I’m gonna drown in it. I’m on the way to an understanding of what God might tell me through that situation. I never want my tear falling down in vain. I believe that in every difficulty there is relief. What about you?