It’s Okay If You Say “No”

Everyone wants their requests accepted. Everyone wants their wish comes true. But, does everyone have a big heart for a refusal? Does everyone feel okay for a “no” answer?

taken from http://kristencook.com.au.

When I was too young, I used to be mad when mommy said “no” for my request. I wanted a new school bag like my friend had, but mom said “no”. She said my old school bag was still fine and no tears. But I thought it was old-fashioned and I wanted a new one. I was angry at mom coz I thought she not want me happy, she not want me be and have like other girls. I was jealous of those girls.

Now, when I see nowadays mommies, I see them fulfill anything their children want. They buy them expensive toys, update gadgets, grant their every wish, but I no longer feel jealous of those children coz I’ve got “no” which have taught me that “no” not always bad and “yes” not always good.

Loving children doesn’t mean we have to fulfill their every request. We want them happy, but it doesn’t mean we have to give everything they want.

We have to teach our children and little siblings that not every request has to be accepted, not every wish has to be granted, but those refusals must be accepted. It’s impossible for them to take it if they don’t have a big heart to understand what’s going on indeed. It’s our duty to make them understand.

Let’s teach our children and little siblings that it’s okay if they got “no” answer for their request. “No” never hurts. They just need to know why they got it, what’s there behind that “no”, and why they deserve or not deserve for what they want.

If we let them know only “yes” answer, it’ll be hard for them to take “no”. However, we exactly know that it’s possible for everyone to get “no”, as it’s possible to get “yes”. And when they got “no”, then they can’t take it with a big heart, they’ll be frustrated. It’s not good for them. It’s not what we want.

Sometimes, we can’t say “no” to them not because we didn’t realize that they have to be introduced to a refusal, but because we don’t want to look them sad and cry, we’re afraid to be judged as a stingy or strict mother/sister. We’re not ready for their reaction. We’re not ready for their anger or dislike. We’re afraid if they no longer love us. We tend to keep “no” and give “yes” though we know that they not deserve for it, they should not get it. Is that a right decision (to keep “no” and give “yes”)?

If a mother or an older sister afraid of being dislike or not loved by their children or little siblings just because she not grants their wish, she has to remember that nothing can break a bond between family members. A child may angry and sad for that refusal, but it’s just for a while because they’re in a process of understanding that refusal. When they’re already understood, they’ll be okay just like before, even better.

taken from http://www.istockphoto.com/.

Just say “no” if you think they deserve for it. Just say “no” if you think they should learn to understand it. Saying “no” doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Saying “no” doesn’t mean you’re a strict mother/older sister. Just say “no”, and tell them why. Teach them to take something though it’s not what they want, and let them understand why they should take it. Never say “no” without giving them explanation because it will confuse them.

I remember how Grandma Madge taught Dale (his autism grandson) that it’s okay if someone said “no” for his request. “No” never hurts. He just needs to know why he got it. Maybe it’s not good for him or maybe someone else needed it, too. At the moment Dale asked Henry the puppy dog to give his ducky doll back, and Henry refused, Dale weren’t angry at him. He knew that Henry said “no’ not because that puppy didn’t want Dale happy, but because Henry needed, too.

Reflecting to my past when mommy gave me “no”, I massive thanks to her coz she’d taught me a great lesson about “no” which not always bad, but has to always be accepted with a big heart. Thanks, Mom. And it’s my turn to teach my little siblings.